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Smiles 2022

Posted 2022.01.15

Smile for health
Smiles (Laughs even) Are Good for your Health!

Give me a sense of humour, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

If you have something to contribute to our zest for life, please email it to webmail@wynfordtowerresidents.ca
We'll show your name on your submission, unless you say no.

Smiles (Newest at Top)
Annie Peschmann 2022.01.17 re Porcupines
Annie Peschmann 2022.01.17 re Shakespeare & Vaccination
Annie Peschmann 2022.01.13 re Tech Support
Annie Peschmann 2022.01.10 re A Touching Love Story
How Children Perceive Their Grandparents, rec'd from Annie Peschmann 2022.01.05
Smiles 2021
Smiles 2020

Annie Peschmann 2022.01.17 re Porcupines
Fable of the Porcupines

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.
The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.

After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.

The moral of the story is:

"Just learn to live with the pricks in your life."
Contents

Annie Peschmann 2022.01.17 re Shakespeare & Vaccination
Subject: William Shakespeare CAME TO BE VACCINATED!

Nurse: Which arm?
Shakespeare: As you like it

Nurse: Was that painful?
Shakespeare:Much ado about nothing.

Nurse: You will have to have a second jab.
Shakespeare: Measure for measure?

Nurse: So, how was the experience?

Shakespeare: A midsummer night's dream!

Nurse: So what do you think of the govt handling of Covid?
Shakespeare: It's a Comedy of Errors.

Shakespeare now asks the nurse:

Shakespeare: When will my quarantine end?
Nurse: On the Twelfth Night.

Shakespeare: Who will foot my quarantine bill?
Nurse: The Merchant of Venice.

Shakespeare: Where will I be put up for my quarantine?
Nurse: In a Hamlet.

Shakespeare: Thank you for helping me!
Nurse: All's Well That Ends Well.
Contents

Annie Peschmann 2022.01.13 re Tech Support
A young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship with her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply which was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was genius!

THE QUERY

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)

Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: Ithoughtyouloved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2.

Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In- Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck!
Contents

Annie Peschmann 2022.01.10 re A Touching Love Story
From: Anna Peschmann
Sent: Monday, January 10, 2022 10:04 PM
Subject: Fwd: we all need to laugh these days!!

Annie
A touching love story....

An 80-year-old woman was arrested for shop lifting.

When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"

She replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches, and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.

She replied, "6."

The judge said, "Then I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman's husband spoke, and asked the judge if he could say something.

The judge said, "What is it?"

The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."
Contents

How Children Perceive Their Grandparents, rec'd from Annie Peschmann 2022.01.05
How Children Perceive Their Grandparents

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I'll probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye.

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me happy birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both real old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and she was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try figuring out some of this stuff for yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised. "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said, warily. "How do you make babies?"
"It's easy," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. "Give me a sentence about a public servant," instructed the teacher during a lesson. One small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," offered one child.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny. When they bend over, you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.
Smiles